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Stress and Stuff

September 22nd, 2006

The silence here is deafening. On my part it's mostly due to
an incredible amount of stress. There's an insane amount of things going on in
our real life that are just totally wigging me out. I can't really think about
much except trying not to be a total cunt because of how i'm feeling. So far,
I've only been bitchy once and it was really due to the massive migraine I was
dealing with. Blah. Here's hoping things settle down.

In other news, have you ever sat and watched conversations
online and just utterly wanted to strangle someone? There are so many people
that just make me want to scream. They're so obviously not what they seem and
no one sees it and it makes me want to rip my hair out. Kissing ass and sucking
up and flaunting that the whole world thinks they're hot shit… it's
disgustingly annoying. Arrogance is not becoming in a kajira.

So I sat for a minute and tried to decide if maybe jealousy
was the reason I feel that way. I'll be the first to admit that when I get no
attention or the only attention I get is negative, I get a little envious of
the little princess bitches that get tons of it. But then I realize I don't want
attention to come my way because I kiss ass. I don't want to get
attention because I demand it or because I'll throw a tantrum if I don't. I
don't want everyone to look at me because the one who owns me will have a fit
if they don't pretend I'm the best thing since sliced bread.

If I'm found pleasing, I want it to be because I
tried my damnest to be pleasing. I want it because I was the best slave
I could be. Not because they feel obligated in some way to say I'm pleasing.

It annoys me to no end that for some reason everyone works
with all the other slaves trying to make them strive to be good at what they do
and they just tell me I was pleasing and send me on my way. I suppose part of
that is they're afraid of Master's wrath. He gets extremely annoyed, as He
should, when others try to put rules and standards on me without asking Him
first. But really all that requires is asking! And it's just common

I heard of free women bitching and complaining about people
having that rule. Saying that in "Old Gor" people could punish slaves
for whatever whenever they wanted and they didn't need the owner's permission.
In this slave's opinion, that's just silly. I mean, if a slave is owned by
someone else then unless the other free are extremely involved in the couple's
relationship they have no way of knowing – without asking the owner or the
slave – what the slave is or isn't allowed or trained to do. So ultimately, the
slave could be punished for following their owner's rules.

Okay so being a slave isn't always fair. And that's all fine
and dandy. But punishing a slave for something their owner allows/orders/trains
them to do could a) derail the owner's training, b) derail the slave's trust in
her owner and/or the free doing the punishing, c) cause a serious amount of confusion
and hurt that is completely unnecessary and d) any number of other negative
things. And all because you're too much of a pompous ass to ask the girl's
owner if you can punish his property?

Most people wouldn't walk up and slap someone else's child
for spitting on the sidewalk. They'd go to their parents and ask them to handle
their kid. Most people wouldn't kick someone else's dog for shitting in their
begonias. They'd go to the owner and tell him to keep his dog in his own yard.
So where is this preconceived notion that it's okay to beat someone else's
slave for calling you Master instead of Mistress and not begging mercy fast
enough coming from? Why should it be okay for you to assign a slave a two page
essay on the difference between tower and nadu without first asking the girl's
owner if she's even allowed to nadu? And is it really so much of a
travesty if a girl points out that you said sula when you meant bara
that you can't wait until you get a chance to speak to the one who owns her
about teaching his girl not to openly correct a free person?

And if it's something the girl absolutely should be punished
for… something that every slave should without question know not to do – such
as popping off at the mouth or refusing to obey an order that doesn't, directly
or indirectly, go against her owner's rules – are the free so damned arrogant
that they can't say to the owner "This is what happened today. I want to
punish your property for her insolence." rayne's spoken with many owned
slaves, read many blogs of masters and slaves, and spoken with many masters. In
most cases the master will say "Absolutely, punish her." if the
misbehavior goes against his rules and training for his slave. And in a lot of
cases, he will also punish her himself. And despite what a lot of free like to
think, punishment from the one who owns her hurts more, humiliates more, and
teaches a lot better than punishment from some random free person. This girl
speaks from experience.

Anyway… rayne's two cents this morning.

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