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Just Ask!

July 26th, 2006

When Master first put this blog up, it was mine. My place to express myself. To tell stories that danced through my mind, to discuss (if only with myself) opinions that I held, to talk about the things I've learned along the way.

Some time into this He decided that He wanted it too. And I was okay
with that. Who am I kidding? I was ecstatic. I thought He
always has so much to say. So much to talk about. And only I ever
benefit from it because He doesn"t really have a place to do it
I thought Hed be putting up entries every day. If only
to rant about the things He saw in chat. Masters allowing their slaves
to tell them what to do, slaves acting liket hey rule the world, people
ignoring the true definitions of words they use with vehemence, and on
and on and on it goes.

I started refreshing compulsively
while He was at work hoping to see something. And then when He was
home, I'd refresh compulsively hoping that last bit of furious typing
was a blog entry. And now I chase His opinions down on other forums.
Well, one in particular. Hanging on His every word. Looking to see if
He'll say anything I haven't heard. Lavishing in His words about me or
our relationship. It made me realize I don't ask Him what He's thinking
or feeling near enough. I expect Him to just tell me everything without
knowing what I want to know.

People say things like "A
good slave is intuitive and knows what her master thinks or feels." I
say that's hogwash. Just as in any couple, a slave should be able to
tell what kind of mood her master is in, anticipate some of his needs
(i.e. a drink, something to eat, something to do, etc.) but unless
slaves are born with some built in mind reading device that I wasn't
taught how to use, the only way to know what the master is thinking if
he doesn't tell her is to ask. She can probably assume, and correctly,
that if she just got in trouble he's thinking that she messed up. She
can probably rightly assume that if he's rewarding her in some way,
he's thinking she's been doing extraordinarily well lately. Beyond
that, it's always better to ask.

This slave often finds
herself afraid to ask because she's been so long under the impression
that she should just know. Asking would make me look stupid or a bad
slave. I'll know there's something going on and I'll know I should ask
what it is so I can fix it or go with the flow or whatever it is I need
to be doing, but I won't because I think I should just know. And so
I'll follow His lead and hope I don't end up looking stupid anyway.

I've been asking questions. Is my behavior improving? Are there things
I need to be doing that I'm not? What should I know that I seem to be
ignoring? And they apply to everything, not just our relationship.

Master first told me to teach myself the internet, I got frustrated. I
was finding tutorials on web design and such and… just not getting it
(mostly because of tutorials written as if the reader already knows
everything about it). But I felt like I couldn't ask because it would
get on His nerves or make me sound retarded or something. He told me to
teach myself! And here I had this wealth of knowledge sitting right
beside me and I refused to attempt to access it. It's like having a
computer manual sitting on your desk when you can't figure out how to
change a file and not opening it to see if it gives directions.

I caved. I started asking about the things that confused me and
actually paying attention when He explained them (I have a really bad
habit of zoning if I start to lose interest in something… even if
it's information I need to know). I watched Him as He showed me
examples and I applied them to the things I already knew. And I
actually learned something.

It's all well and good to know
things about your master: How he likes his coffee, whether he'll want
salt and pepper with his meal, what kind of mood he's in. But it's just
as important to ask him questions when you're unsure. And if you feel
like you're not getting information you need to be able to serve him or
improve your service, ask him to teach you or point out to you a few
things you should know.

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