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An Anxiety Attack, 10 Whacks, and Animal Nature

July 24th, 2006

It doesn't happen all that often anymore, but recently rayne had an anxiety attack. Old fears and new revelations she was supposed to have understood ages ago. she envisioned that things which have always been might not necessarily be so anymore. Little stupid worries she#39;s supposed to be over, such as Master deciding He just doesn#39;t love her anymore, keeping her simply as something to fuck occasionally, and finding someone else to love instead; someone who might not necessarily be slave. And understanding that she is, above all else, regardless of His personal feelings for her, property. she always thought she knew that. she always thought she understood that He has the right to do whatever He pleases and she has no say in it.

And she supposes she did. she just never really believed that He
would. Perhaps because of the lack of consistency on both our parts?
Perhaps a bit of denial on her part? Who knows? He spends a lot of time
rectifying that now. Reminding her who and what she is, where she
belongs, and what her purpose is. And it scared her. If she#39;s just this
unimportant piece of property, what#39;s saying He won#39;t just pass the
burden off to some unsuspecting man?

she thinks that,
though He didn#39;t say so, she hurt Master#39;s feelings as much as she
angered Him when she expressed her fears. Part of the reason He was
angry is the way she expressed them (being snippy and irritating). Part
of the reason was she promised she#39;d trust Him and believe in the
things He told her when He promised He#39;d be brutally honest with her.
And something He#39;s tried to express to her is the only real way she
could destroy His love for her is to cheat on Him. And she is now
keeping her promise and holding tight to that.

Ten
whacks is what she#39;ll be getting daily until He is satisfied that she
has learned a lesson she says she#39;s learned. Yesterday she
unintentionally contradicted something she#39;s been telling Him for a
while now. she didn#39;t realize it was a contradiction until He mentioned
it. He was irritated because it made it seem like the progress He
thought she#39;d made in such a short time was faked. So every day, on top
of any punishment she#39;s to receive that day, she gets ten whacks to
remind her of the lesson she learned.

For the first time
in…. oh just forever, Master made her put the tail in her ass today.
It#39;s the biggest plug Master owns and always hurts her in one way or
another. Today it only hurt a little going in (probably due to the fact
that she#39;s spent a lot of time plugged over the last week), but hurt
like hell when she took it out. she just couldn#39;t relax. It was like:
"This is gonna hurt. This is gonna hurt. This is gonna hurt. OW! FUCK
that hurt!"

Having the tail in had an interesting effect
on rayne that she doesn#39;t remember from wearing it before. Before it
always made her feel slutty and sexy. The trashy little whore that you
love to date (cause she fucks like a goddess) but you don#39;t bring her
home to mommy cause mommy#39;d disown you. Today, she felt purely animal.

she
caught herself arching and crouching in ways to try to intentionally
catch Master#39;s eye and get Him to look at the tail protruding from her
ass. she#39;d hunker down on all fours and stick her ass way up in the air
like a cat in heat hoping for a pat or a prod or a fuck. she#39;d spread
her legs while on all fours and peer between her hanging tits to see
the horse tail falling down between her legs. And she was embarrassed.
she had this thing sticking out of her naked ass in plain view! And
Master was watching! And instead of trying to hide it, she was trying
to get Him to look at it!

she felt like the sex-crazed
little animal she is in a way she hasn#39;t ever. And she sat there
wishing Master would hook her leash to His chair and then to her collar
locking her in place beside Him. Keeping her like the chained little
bitch she longs to be. And she imagined what it will be like when He
finally has the time and money to build the cage He wants to build for
her. she knows she#39;ll spend much of her cage time with her ass pressed
against the bars begging Him to touch her or fuck her.

This is what she has needed for…. all her life. And she is content.

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