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What would you say?

July 12th, 2006

This one finds it difficult, these days, to articulate her thoughts on subjects such as the ideas and opinions of others when she is asked. Mostly it"s things that her submissive friends and aquaintances find helpful and/or enjoy and talk to her about and rayne either doesn"t agree with them or doesn"t know enough to hold an opinion on them. One such situation came up yesterday with another woman, and rayne listened to the description of a place she holds dear and just sort of kept her opinion to herself.

rayne will not mention the person"s name or the site in question
(though she"s sure the person she"s speaking of will know who and what
she"s talking about) and hopes that if anyone guesses the site they
would take what rayne has to say as opinion only. This slave also
should inform her readers that her opinion is based purely on what she
has been told of the site by the person in question. she intends to
read the pages she has access to a bit today if she finds time. Maybe
once that is finished her opinion will have changed. However, she finds
that unlikely.

This place sounds like a sort of support
group for submissive women. A place where submissives can go and learn
and participate in discussions with other submissive women who give
unbiased opinions and facts about the life they lead. There is supposed
to be none of the cattiness that so often frequents BDSM forums. These
women come together purely to help each other ease into a lifestyle
that isn"t always easy for a woman of this world to totally immerse
herself in, no matter how much she wants it.

This in and
of itself isn"t a bad thing. Even Gorean dens, these days, have places
where the slaves can talk and the free can"t see or hear them. This,
usually, is a place where they can learn from each other and help each
other in their service, coordinate who will be serving when, help each
other through rough patches, etc. A place to form a true "sisterly"
bond. The part that confuses rayne, she supposes, is the idea that what
happens in the group is to stay in the group, and there is no dominant
(particularly male) involvement whatsoever.

Some of the
women in this group are monitored by the group. They"re trained and
punished, as much as one can be online, and taught the ways of the
submissive woman. By other submissive women. Others monitor themselves.

A couple of the "guidelines" this girl was given when she
asked for rules and permission to call herself His slave come to mind
when she thinks about this group. They go something like this: "When I
own you, I assume ownership of your other relationships as well. I
reserve rights over those relationships." and "Any information you
receive in confidence is informatin that I have every right to. At my
discretion, under most circumstances, I will not disclose anything
private unless it becomes necessary. The final decision is mine"

she has always believed in, even before Master gave her these
guidelines, is that a slave has no right to anything "personal". she
supposes if the slave"s owner gives her that right it"s different, but
in giving a slave that right, she feels a master is giving his slave
the right, in a sense, to keep secrets. And everyone should understand
by now that secrets in a M/s relationship are usually not a good thing.

While rayne feels it is absolutely a good thing for a
submissive (be they slave or sub or somewhere in between) have a venue
in which to interact with other submissives (a place where she can talk
to people she relates to, so to speak), she"s not entirely certain that
this place is that venue. Perhaps for a woman who is unattached and
just starting out or for a woman who is sub and not slave this place
would be helpful. With a sub it"s not quite as important to establish
(especially early on) who is in control. In a Master/slave
realtionship, however, that control must be explicit and binding. The
slave must know who owns her and where she stands. Giving her to others
to teach might not be the best thing. In rayne"s mind, it seems like it
would send a message to the slave that her master either views himself
as unworthy or unable or uninterested in training her, which would then
leave questions in his ability to give her what she needs – utter and
complete slavery.

The Master/slave relationship rests on
a scale on which both sides have to be equally balanced. That is not to
say that a Master and a slave are equal. This is not the case. This
means, simply, that a master must be just as much a master as his slave
is a slave. He must be as dominant as she is submissive. And it must be
consistent. For when the scale is tipped, it can take a long time and
excruciating effort to level it out again.

In the long
run, it is not unusual for people in this lifestyle to eventually seek
others to further the training of their slaves for a number of reasons.
To prove to the slave that they will do as they wish with them, to
teach the slave things that the master doesn"t know or doesn"t think to
teach her himself, to train the slave sexually to be the best she can,
to show her what it could be like under another master (either worse,
better, or the same) to get a new perspective on already established
training… And that really is the key. Already established training.
Teaching your slave yourself is absolutely imperative before allowing
her into the tutelage of anyone else.

When rayne first
immersed herself in the quest for slavery with Master Melen, she had a
difficult time getting to where we wanted her to be. she"s still not
fully there… she would never claim that she has completely formed
into the perfect slave. But eventually, she realized where some of the
difficulties lay. Instead of listening to what Master expected of her
and paying attention to the things He showed her and gave her, she
listened to others" experiences and the things that were expected of
them. she would take these things to heart and wonder why Master wasn"t
using the same methods. she would try to conform to what they
considered to be a slave while also trying to conform to what Master
and rayne herself considered to be a slave. And in the end, she ended
up a confused little girl, not sure which way was up anymore.

she learned to ignore everyone else. If she had a question, she brought
it to Master. she listened intently to His answer and took it to
heart. And to hell with the rest. What other people think or have
experienced in this lifestyle, even rayne, is not important. While it
is helpful to get some insight into something you are new at, the
ultimate judge of what you need is you. And confusing yourself with a
lot of crap from other women may actually stilt your growth in the end,
not expedite it.

A girl isn"t entirely sure what her
ultimate goal in posting this entry is. Certainly not to bash the site
or her friend"s beliefs. But perhaps maybe to give a little bit of
insight into where rayne stands on the issue. rayne"s been to AA and NA
and she hated it. Listening to everyone tell their stories only made
her want to go out and get high again. But for some, it"s very
theraputic. And they are the people who should be there.

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