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Viruses and a Few Thoughts

June 11th, 2006

Recently, this slave"s computer has been acting sort of weird. Jerking when she plays graphics intensive games, everything spontaneously crashing or closing, taking forever to boot up, etc. she asked Master to take a look at it and see what was going on because her scanner wasn"t picking anything up. He ran a few other scanners through her computer and found at least 16 viruses. Thankfully He was able to remove them all, and He went through and deleted a few programs she never uses to speed up her computer a little bit. Low and behold, her computer seems to be running much faster. she does still have to test it while playing a graphics intensive game, so we"ll see how that goes. *crosses fingers*

Recently this girl has been thinking about the things she"s done and
the things she"s survived and the things she"s dealt with in the past
and she wonders how she made it through any of it, much less how she
remained even semi-sane. But she embraces every last detail because who
knows where she"d be right this moment if she hadn"t faced even one of
them. she watches her life flash by and it seems much quicker than it
really is. Like suddenly a day is an hour and an hour a milisecond.
Time flies and she knows it"s going to be over all to quickly.

So
she used to wonder what she could do to make her life worth
remembering. What she could do so that when she passes, someone will
say "Hey… I knew her. she was this awesome person. This is why – " At
some point during the past three years, she decided that it really only
matters if Master remembers her when she passes. she no longer has
ambition to save the world. The things that used to be so important to
her seem so trivial now.

rayne has a life with a Man who allows her to be everything she is and more. And that"s more than she could ever dare to dream.

This
one was talking with a girl who Master is considering owning today and
somehow the subject of pride came up. And while rayne still has some
pride in herself and her accomplishments over the years, few though
they may be, she realizes that a great deal of her pride was stripped
from her when she begged Master"s collar. Perhaps not enough.

In
any case, there was some discussion of having too much pride to beg.
And, shocking herself, rayne said to her potential chain sister, "When
you find yourself kneeling on your kitchen floor naked with the cum of
a man you despise dripping from your pussy, so sexually aroused that
you have no chioce but to beg to be allowed to finger fuck yourself
till you cum, you start to wonder what you"re so damn proud of."

And then rayne began to wonder what she"s so damn proud of.

she"s
not an arrogant slave. she doesn"t feel she has anything to be arrogant
about. she knows she can be a royal fuck up. she knows that there are
more likely than not much better slaves out there than her. Girls who
learned with a moment"s notice what it is to be slave and have behaved
accordingly for the rest of their lives.

So why does she
only beg when the mood suits her? Why doesn"t she act on her knowledge
that a slave should beg for anything and everything she wants or needs,
regardless of how trivial or embarrassing the want or need is?

One of these days she"ll act on all these epiphanies she keeps having.

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