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Safewords and Contracts

May 28th, 2006

This one believes she"s touched on these topics before, but she"s finding that the more blogs and forums she reads, the less people suggest these things to new Dom/mes and/or submissives. rayne finds safewords and contracts extremely important in the beginning of a D/s relationship, if only to protect all parties involved.

A safeword is a word the submissive can use when she"s
uncomfortable. Something she would not normally say during sex or just
out of the blue. Many use the "traffic light" system – green means go,
yellow means caution, red means stop. There are three main reasons for
this: 1) in case something potentially physically damaging is going on
that has to be stopped (i.e. a cramp, muscle spasms, loss of feeling
and/or circulation in a limb, etc), 2) in case some line/limit is being
crossed, 3) to let the dominant know where the submissive is both
physically and emotionally without shattering the scene"s mood. And for
those times when she is gagged and can"t vocalize her safeword, give
her something to hold that she can drop or some way to notify you that
she needs a break.

This is not to say that a safeword will
always be needed. Eventually, she will no longer need a safety net and
you will no longer need her to have it. But in the beginning,
especially with both of you just getting your feet wet, it"s a good
idea to cover all bases.

Which brings rayne to a
contract. Many feel contracts are unnecessary and for some they are.
But contracts have been successfully argued in court when one party or
the other claimed they were being beaten against their will. They"re
not legally binding, obviously, and the court will not uphold any D/s
related contract, but they can be and have been successfully argued as
evidence that both parties entered the relationship willingly. In the
event that there is no proof that any lines (with regards to what is in
the contract) have been crossed, then there is no crime being committed
and the party in question can be let go. Naturally all of this depends
on the state/country and the court/judge the trial is argued in. But
regardless, it is a safeguard that can be taken.

If you
decide to use a contract, you will want to put in it any agreed upon
limits, length of term of service, agreed upon rules, and ways in which
the relationship may be terminated (i.e. with the Dom/me"s permission,
upon dissatisfaction by either party, etc.). Also put anything in it
that you feel is necessary to cover your behind. Just remember that
while it can, in some cases, be entered into evidence as proof that
both parties were willing participants, it will not be held up in
court. So if the submissive decides to leave without permission, or the
Dom/me decides to terminate the relationship against the terms of the
contract, no judge is going to force them to re-enter a relationship
they don"t want to be in against their will.

And, as
always, if you have any questions about a real-life Master/slave
relationship, feel free to ask them of rayne. 🙂 Hope she has been

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