Master"s schedule got completely screwed up this weekend which threw rayne off entirely. It happens, she supposes.

Finished Gor books 13 and 14 and was just blown away. Not
necessarily by the writing or the story lines. By the emotions they
invoked in her. How much she related to them.

she finds
herself still chomping at the bit when it comes to showing her
submission publicly. This website gives her annonimity. No one knows
who rayne really is and so when they see her face to face they have no
idea if she"s submissive or not. And she still finds herself losing her
backbone when in public. Losing the strength to ignore what poeple
think and be the slave she is.

if a slave is a slave is
a slave no matter where they are or who they are around, then why does
she find it so difficult to let people see this side of her? Even if
only by staying quiet and just listening till someone asks her what she
thinks, or defering to Master"s will in front of others, whether they
know why she does it or not.

she"s usually pretty good
about doing as she"s told in front of others these days. But she still
has trouble with the idea of people thinking she"s weak or something
for doing so. Then she realizes that she has to be strong in order to
go against everything she"s had drilled into her head all her life. And
she is trying to get passed that. Shed this hardened exterior and let
who she really is shine through.

she"s not tough. she"s
not dominant. she doesn"t want to be controlling. And she doesn"t want
to be perceived this way. By anyone. At any time. But when we"re in
public, there"s always that little voice. <i>Daddy says it"s
wrong to submit. Daddy says girls have to be strong. Daddy says it"s
wrong to color outside the lines.</i>

And why
can"t we color outside the lines, damn it! Why can"t we follow our
heart and make up our own beat? Daddy can suck it, cause rayne"s sick
of being daddy"s girl. rayne"s got a new Daddy now. And He says it"s
high time she stopped worrying about what everyone else thinks, so long
as their opinion of her training is good, and be who and what she is.

So shut the fuck up, daddy"s girl. There"s a new Daddy in town.