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No Recent Entries and a Thought for Today

April 3rd, 2006

rayne hasn"t abandoned you, dear readers. Master and she had obligations this weekend and she was unable to write. she figured instead of backtracking, she would move ever forward as she is trying to do in her slavery. she doesn"t really have any one topic she would like to discuss so this entry may bounce from one subject to the next without much transition. It"s just the frame of mind she"s in today.

It appears rayne will have to pay more attention to the email she
receives, checking things from names she doesn"t recognize. she hopes
that she hasn"t missed any emails due to her lack of scanning subjects
and deleting them. It"s been so long since she"s had her email address
visible on any public forum that she often forgets there might be
something interesting or important in her mailbox. This is something
she will remedy. If anyone has emailed up to March 30th and did not
receive a response but would like one, please feel free to email again.
This slave will pay closer attention from now on.

Recently,
this one had made it a point (for a few days) to kneel and serve Master
His meals and drinks in the Gorean fashion (thighs parted, back
straight, head down, vessel lifted in offering). she really likes doing
this but this weekend it was impossible to do so. Sadly, when rayne
stops doing something, for whatever reason, she often forgets to resume
the behavior when she is able again. she"ll have to remind herself when
serving Master His next meal.

A girl has mentioned
before the problems she has, at times, with watching her mouth.
Sarcasm, back talking, or just not responding are among the issues she
finds difficult to overcome at times. It"s not that she doesn"t respect
Master and want to show that respect. It"s that she often finds it
difficult to avoid reverting to these behaviors when she"s tired,
frustrated, upset, etc. An example?

Master told rayne to
go fix the bed last night. This usually means that He"s ready to at
least get in bed and settle down for the night. So rayne went in and
got it ready for Him, then went into the bathroom to put the laundry
she"d forgotten into the washer. When she was finished, she walked back
into the computer room and made to sit in her chair. Master said,
"Don"t sit down." rayne responded with, "But she has to finish the
laundry." "What you have to do is get your ass in the bedroom. Stop
telling me what you have to do and just do as you"re told." "Yes,
Master."

Lately, this has been the norm. There"s
something Master wants done and other things that rayne is supposed to
do for the day and rayne forgets that immediate orders override
previous ones. Now, if it"s an emergency or something, she can say
"Master this is happening to prevent rayne from doing what You want her
to do." but the way she usually approaches the subject of previous
orders or something that needs doing says "she"ll get what You want
after she"s finished what she"s doing." That"s not the way a slave
should approach anything. This is something she needs to work on.

Master
has been teasing her relentlessly since before she started her "monthly
friend" (which she is currently dealing with – and cursing!) and
refusing her release. The frustration is devastating at times, and when
He does feel the need to touch her it immediately sends her into a
whimpering, writhing frenzy. she begs until He slaps her for ignoring
His "No" and is usually to the point of kicking her feet, bucking, and
almost in tears for want of, at the very least, release, but she"s more
interested in just feeling Him fill her pussy with His cock.

This
helplessness has brought on some rather interesting discoveries. 1) she
has no pride. she pretends she does. she pretends that she can be
dignified and prideful and everything else a "proper lady" is supposed
to be. But the truth is (and this brings us to her second discovery) 2)
she is a slut. In rayne"s mind, this isn"t a bad thing. she"s proud to
be in touch with the female side of herself. she"s happy that she"s
comfortable with her own sexuality. The only part that is weird for her
is (you guessed it – her third discovery) 3) she will beg for, say, or
do pretty much anything if it will get her sexual gratification. There
doesn"t seem to be many exceptions to this. And she wonders again if Mr
Norman doesn"t know exactly what he"s talking about when He describes
women in his books.

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