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BDSM Relationships

March 11th, 2006

Just as in Gor there are many different types of relationships, the same is true for BDSM. There are many differences between the two, but also many similarities. We"ll start with the difference between a Dom and a Free Man (or Gorean Master) and a Domme and a Free Woman (or Gorean Mistress) and include the Switch.

Generally speaking, a Dom is content to let his submissive retain
some control. Perhaps full rights are not hers but she is allowed to
say "no" when she doesn"t want to do something. Often she has a
"safeword" that she may use to get her out of any situation she feels
uncomfortable in. Depending on the relationship, this may include
punishment.

In some relationships, the submissive is no
more than a play partner. She is submissive as long as they are scening
or having sex, but as soon as the scene is over and orgasms had, she
resumes her place as wife or girl friend, sometimes controlling the
rest of the relationship. Doms may top males or females, but it"s not
always ownership, though on occasion the exchange of a collar takes
place. The difference between this and a Gorean based relationship is
obvious.

In a 24/7 truly Gorean based relationship, the
Master affords the slave no control at all. He places her in a collar
and is owns her fully. He does not allow her a safeword (except in rare
cases – though rayne believes that any new relationship should at least
start with a safeword and allow for the submissive/slave to give it up
if/when she feels comfortable) or the right to say "no" and expects her
to obey without question. The slave does not go back to any other role
at the end of a scene. He may allow her to have a job outside of the
home, but she is always slave to her Master no matter the situation.

A Domme, obviously, will disagree (sometimes adamantly or to a fault)
with the opinion that men are the stronger gender. She usually doesn"t
feel she should bow to men in any way. That is where a Domme differs
from a Free Woman. Dommes may own males or females and follow the same
basic relationship structure as Dom and submissive do.

The
Gorean Free Woman, on the other hand, usually owns only female slaves
and they are not for pleasure. In the books (as far as rayne"s read to
date), they own them only as a sort of lady"s maid and expect the girls
to deny their primal urges to submit and be touched and made to
surrender by a man. On occasion, Free Women will own male slaves. Their
use ranges from pleasure slaves to field workers and it is required to
have an aray of guards to keep them in line, for only a truly weak man
cannot overcome a woman.

In Free Companionship, though,
the man owns everything and the woman has little say in what goes on
regarding the slaves. If the woman is frigid (and even if she"s not),
which often Free Women are, the man is often seen tossing his slaves to
their backs and using them without care. Too, men find pleasure in
using the slaves roughly, as opposed to the gentle love-making they
must endure with their Free Companion.

Finally, the
switch. A switch is someone who is both dominant and submissive when
the mood suits them. They can be male or female and their counterpart
is not found in Gorean custom. There are many vast arrays of types of
switches: a male who dominates men and submits to women,a male who
dominates women and submits to men, a male who dominates or submits to
either gender when the mood suits, a female who dominates men and
submits to women, a female who dominates women and submits to men, a
female who dominates or submits to either gender when the mood suits,
etc.

 

rayne will discuss the difference between a slave and a sub, as she sees it, in her next entry.

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