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A Little Depressed

December 20th, 2005

rayne wanted this to be the best Christmas ever. she was going to get the perfect gift (though she had NO clue what that was going to be), make the perfect meal complete with the perfect desserts, find the perfect tree… now she doesn"t know what to do. Master"s decided that she"s to "get creative" and make Him a present. And she has no idea 1) what to make or 2) when to make it. But He"s right… slaves aren"t supposed to have money. And a slave without money can"t buy something for their Master.

He"s working nights so we"re together all the time. And we"re always
in the same room when we"re home, without fail. And you can only write
so many poems or stories or dances or make so many cards or pictures
before it becomes lame and loses its… specialness.

here she sits feeling naked and helpless, a tear rolling down her
cheek, cause she has nothing to give Him… and anything she could give
Him would be stupid and disappointing. And no matter what, He"ll say He
loves it, even if He hates it, cause that"s how He is. And she"ll still
feel like a heel. And 2005 will forever be "The Year rayne Ruined

This is just so friggin hard. And He says it"s
insulting that she can"t think of something to do. It"s just… *sigh*
she"s so used to saying "i love You" with at least some ability to buy
things if she needs to. And she feels like nothing she can do could
even be remotely worthy of how much He means to her. And everything she
can think of she"s either done before or it sounds really dumb in her
head (and she"s done it before, in a sense). And she can"t bounce ideas
off of Him cause it"s FOR Him. And she can"t bounce ideas off of anyone
online cause He can see them.

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