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Human Nature?

November 27th, 2005

I hear a lot of interesting complaints from people online, both free and slave alike. For now, though, to be respectful, I will only discuss the complaints of slaves. “They don’t have enough time for me.” or “They’re playing with others.” or something along those lines. So the question becomes, is it truly just human nature to be upset about these things or is it simply a slave trying to turn the owner into the possession?

Let’s start with the second complaint – playing with others.

In my opinion, this is a free person’s right. If they’ve chosen to give up that right and promised not to play with others on collaring a slave, then, and only then, does the slave have the right to complain when that promise is broken. The free in question gave them that right when they promised to be faithful.

In that instance, however, I feel the slave should approach this subject respectfully, without being directly accusatory. And for heaven’s sake, don’t go unarmed. In other words, if you’re going to accuse someone of something (especially your owner) have proof of what you think they did. Get to the bottom of it and at least attempt to work it out. Contrary to popular belief, trust bends, it rarely ever breaks.

However, if the free never agreed to be monogamous in the first place, the slave has no business throwing a tantrum when the free takes interest in someone else. As long as the boundaries of the relationship are not being breached, then all should be happy. If the slave wanted a monogamous owner, then the slave should have mentioned, upon discussing limits and such, that it was imperative that they be the only partner the free has.

Though, also equally important, the free should be honest with the slave if that just simply isn’t going to happen. If a FP is going to do what they want, when they want, their slave has a right to know, before accepting the collar, that they won’t be in control of anything. While most would think that this is an obvious point that every slave should understand on choosing to be slave, you’d be surprised how often it is either misunderstood or ignored.

Back to our question: Is it human nature to be upset about your S.O. playing or wanting to play with others?

In the event that the slave has begged a collar knowing that their owner will do whatever they wish regarding others, then to complain about the free playing outside the relationship leaves the realm of human nature, and is spring-loaded into manipulation on the part of the slave.

Jealousy is human nature. To be afraid that someone else is getting something we want that we’re not getting is human nature. To wish we could be everything our S.O. could ever want and need and have them never desire another is human nature.

Giving them the right to play with another or take a second partner or something of the like and then complaining about it is not.

The first complaint – They never have enough time for me. While I understand and agree that it’s important for an owner to have time for their slave, where do we, as slaves, have a right to judge what’s “enough”? Sure, that’s easy for you to say, rayne. You’ve got Him right there beside you damn near 24/7. Ha! If you only knew me well enough to know just how much of an attention hog I am. Not attention whore, mind you (though I definitely can be one of those as well), attention hog.

If we could survive without Him working, I’d force feed Him caffeine pills 24/7, tie Him to a chair, and treat Him to a show of all Rayne, all the time. Okay, maybe not do it and survive as He’d more than likely get away eventually and throttle me. But I could sure try, right? *notices the evil glare from Master and moves on*

The point is, just because I have Him right in front of me doesn’t mean I get all of His attention all of the time. There’s work, and friends, and hell… even Masters like “me time” sometimes. Is there ever a time where I sit back and say “Man! I wish He had more time for me!” Sure there is! I wouldn’t be a proper attention hog if there wasn’t.

Generally speaking, though, it’s unwaranted. Is there ever a time where I think “Wow! Okay that’s plenty. Time for some Rayne time before my head explodes!” No. *shrug* Again, I wouldn’t be a proper attention hog if there was. But even if there was, having been given the right to ask for Rayne time should I need it, I would feel out of line and be afraid of hurting Master’s feelings. Especially since the one time I said “I just need to be away from you right now. Even if only for five minutes.” He was devastated (Told ya I’m a bitch!).

So the question remains: Is it human nature to get upset when your S.O. doesn’t seem to have much time for you or is it just an attempt to control them? Well, let’s go at it from the online angle, since that was my original reason for talking about it. There are a few questions you can ask yourself to decide this, but in order to get an honest answer, you have to – you guessed it! – be honest with yourself.

1) How often are they online?
Daily? Once a week? Once a month? Less? If the answer is daily or once a week, then move on to the next question. If the answer is once a month or less, then you should probably look at what’s keeping them from you. It could be a temporary thing (extensive work project, family emergency, etc.), but if it’s not, then perhaps you should judge how often you would like to see your S.O. and broach the subject with them respectfully. See if you can work it out so that all parties are happy.

2) Of their online time, how much do they spend with you?
All of it? Most of it? Half of it? Some of it? None of it? If your answer is anything other than none of it, move on to the next question. Again, we’re being honest with ourselves here. No overexaggerating, ladies and gents. If the answer is none, then you’re probably right. It’s time to respectfully ask what you can do to deserve to obtain more of their time.

3) Of the time they spend with you, how much of it is spent talking, playing, or scening (only with each other)?
All of it? Most of it? Half of it? Some of it? None of it? If your answer is anything other than none of it, then chances are you’re being manipulative – your need to have their attention has exceeded human nature and shot straight into trying to control them. It’s time you evaluate your wants and needs as a person and figure out how this relationship factors into them.

If you really think that, while they’re giving you some attention, it just isn’t enough, quit your bitching and whining, ask them respectfully to be allowed to talk about it (if you haven’t already bitched the subject to death), and see if the two of you can work something out. If your answer to this question was none – and please be honest with yourself… it’s important – then you seriously need to talk to them. See what’s going on. Where the relationship stands and where you stand in it.

Notice not once in there was “Beg release!” or “Leave!” or “Run away!” or anything of the like?

First, in my opinion, a slave should never advise another slave to do any of these things unless they’re ordered to by their owner. Once the slave is away from the offending party, then perhaps it’s not so bad to advise them to stay away from them – especially if the free is potentially dangerous. But to advise them to leave would be overstepping the bounds of your slavery.

Second, I feel quite strongly that anything that was worth starting is worth giving a chance. How many chances is your business, not mine. But if it was worth it to beg a collar or start a relationship, then it’s worth it to at least attempt to work it out.

Human nature can make us do crazy things. Trying to control someone’s actions in a relationship can sometimes be a result of human nature (feelings of jealousy, fear of losing them, etc.) but it is not human nature in and of itself. To try and convince yourself that you’re acting as any human would in the same situation is, in effect, lying to yourself. And what’s my token phrase these days? That’s right! “Be true to yourself.” 

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