Archive for September, 2005

Once In A While

September 30th, 2005 No comments

I think about things that I could do if only I put my mind to it. I look at the things I’ve started and never finished and realize that if I’d only completed them ages ago, they might have taken me somewhere I’d never dreamed. Then I understand that it’s not too late. That if I put my mind to it, I can still finish the projects and perhaps go those places.

For my next trick, I stare at a blank screen pondering what I should say next in a blog that will only ever help people to see the opinions which don’t matter of a slave who never learns from simple mistakes. Finally, I muster up all my courage and energy, open all the things I shoulda/coulda, get all my dreams in order….

and do…


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Surgery and Irritation

September 27th, 2005 No comments

rayne's been slacking on her blog and for that she apologizes. she's been very ill, which resulted in a trip to the hospital and surgery. This one had extreme pancreatitis, they had to cut gall stones out of her liver and then remove her gall bladder but first the pancreatitis had to die down enough so they starved her for three days.

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Day and Night

September 10th, 2005 No comments

It’s beautiful outside today and I have to go to work with Master. I’m happy to be able to spend the day with Him and hope that perhaps we will be able to go for a walk on His lunch break.

Last night was rough. I was heartbroken because I thought that I was going to lose another friend and I had no idea what I had done. From what I can understand, it seems there was a misunderstanding. But it was fixed and I’m better now.

I rarely make friends from the fear of losing them. Yes, it’s a lonely road but it’s better, in my mind, than getting hurt by someone I care about. With that in mind, I often hold people at arms length with the intent of not getting too close. Closeness begets emotion. Emotion begets friendship. Friendship begets love. Love begets pain. I don’t deal well with emotional pain. So when I do take the steps to make a friend, I often spend the time in fear of losing said friend.

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her Very own Furs

September 8th, 2005 No comments

Today Master Savage, First Sword of the Kaverns, gave rayne a gift. It was very unexpected and she is extremely grateful. We'll start at the beginning because it just occurred to this one that she forgot to mention something very important.

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Getting Used to the Rules

September 5th, 2005 No comments

It takes a while to get used to new rules, it would seem. I’m still not used to the idea that the free is always right. For example, when a girl makes a mistake, corrects herself, and begs mercy repeatedly, and a free is still horribly mean to her. I supposes it is their right… But I never understood people refusing forgiveness for small, unimportant, easily fixable mistakes.

On the fourth we went to the rose garden and took pictures. Such an awesome day. I can’t wait to have another like it.

This I, me, my thing is proving harder than I thought. While I’m pretty good about it online, for the most part, I slip all the time in rl. Master’s getting pissed off about it. I don’t blame Him. It seems such a little thing. Maybe it is and I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill.

I also always forget that my name isn’t really “Rayne”. I guess it’s because I almost never use my real name. Everywhere online, it’s Rayne. With Master it’s usually “slut” or something like that. I would even prefer “slut” to my real name. In any case, the point was that I’m always calling myself Rayne irl. Oy… so many things to work on. ::sigh:: 
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September 3rd, 2005 No comments

Well… He's gone and done it. Master ordered rayne to spend thirty minutes a day reading the news. And wouldn't you know it, the headlines are all about that bitch Katrina. rayne's old neighborhood is under water. Places where she had good friends are gone. Childhood homes destroyed. girl knew it would happen eventually since hurricane season is always rough on the Gulf, but it still saddens her a bit.

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