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Dreaming a Beautiful Dream.

August 26th, 2005

Last night I had a wonderful dream. You might remember me mentioning my trouble with Master’s interest in other women and/or slaves. This dream spoke specifically to that fear. Unfortunately, for reasons I won’t explain, part of it will be dropped. The parts I’m removing are consensual sexual acts that would never happen in real life anyway, so they don’t really matter. The dream went something like this:

I have made a friend online (for real) and in my dream, this friend came to visit. I won’t say who she is to protect her identity (and me from her boyfriend ::grin:: although to be fair, in the dream, the boyfriend knew she was coming and knew what might happen and was okay with it – convenient, huh?), though I will say I didn’t meet her on IRC. So we’ll call her “Sarah” for the purpose of this entry.


So Sarah had a motel room and Master and I went to meet her there while she got ready to go to dinner. For some reason, Master left the room. To go get ice or something. Sarah finished getting ready and she and I sat down on the bed to talk. We were both excited to be meeting in real life and so we were giddy. Suddenly the conversation turned serious, and Master walked in to Sarah kissing me.

Master didn’t get upset. Didn’t say a word. Just watched us kissing and touching until Sarah looked up and said, “Are you just going to stand there, Melen, or are you going to come join us?” (She’s NOT submissive… one could quite honestly say she’s dominant).

Dreams have a way of jumping ahead in time. They don’t always go straight through each detail. Considering dreams usually last anywhere from less than a minute to five minutes, there’s a lot to squish in there. And this is where my dream jumped. Suddenly, Sarah and I were naked and Master was wearing only His boxers. Sarah had pushed me back on the bed and was kissing and licking me everywhere. It escalated from this point and I’m not going into anymore details. I’ll  just say Master and I had a threesome with Sarah and leave it at that.

The part that I have to mention is there was no jealousy. No anxiety. No hurt feelings. Nothing. There was talk of Sarah leaving her boyfriend to move to live with Master and me and it was decided that it wouldn’t work out because Sarah wasn’t submissive. We promised to visit each other more often and made plans for our next meeting and Sarah went home.

Such an interesting dream.

 

There is a person that Master talks to and I usually get upset about it. For a couple of reasons, but one being my stupid fear that Master will one day leave me to be with another. Last night, I was aware that He was talking to this person and I felt my usual anxiety start to build.

Normally, when this happens, I get quiet, start to slowly build an attitude, get sarcastic and sullen. Last night, I said to myself, “No. You are NOT doing this again. Enough is enough. He is Master and you are slave. Today has been a wonderful day. You are NOT going to ruin it now. If you have to ignore it, then ignore it. But you will not go against your promise to strive to accept your place in this.” My usual questions came “What are they talking about?” and “What if He decides she’s better than me?” and a few more that I can’t mention without giving away who she is… at least to her.

I screamed in my mind “STOP! Let’s ask more questions of us shall we? Who is He married to? Who does He love? Who has He promised to cherish for all eternity? Who does He own? Who has He made the distinction about countless times that she deserves to be and always will be first in His life? To me and to others. And who has He said can screw that up? Do you really want to be the reason He finds someone better? Do you really want to become second? Or worse, not His at all?”

And suddenly, the anxiety was gone. Not once did I show the feelings I had while I warred with myself. Not once did I let on that I was bothered by Him talking to the person. I just went about minding my own business, keeping my mood where it was to begin with and being happy to be in my rl and online homes with my master. And shortly, I knew that if I can only remember those things always, hold on to them, eventually I’ll never even start to feel anxious. The only person that can destroy my relationship with Master is me. And I don’t want that burden.

It still bothers me that I can’t be everything Master wants. But I understand this is only the case if He decides He wants two slaves. And then, it’s only because I’m only one person. I can’t be two slaves… being two people is impossible. Hmmm… perhaps I’ll look into having myself cloned.

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