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Punishment

August 11th, 2005

rayne was punished today for something she did last night. Yesterday started out as a pretty good day and then rayne blew it, as usual.

rayne was in the Kaverns (oh yeah… Master has found a new home. #Koroban_Kaverns on bondage.com. If you think about going there, please read the rules first and follow them once there) and was serving her little heart out and Master told her that she’s born to slavery. He said that His slave has learned so much in such a little time and is doing much better than most slaves when training to be Gorean. Master told rayne that He’s very proud of her.

Then, later that night, silly slave threw a tantrum because she wanted to be used and Master was too tired. Master beat rayne’s ass with the knotty cat this morning and later
asked rayne if she liked it. Still crying, this girl said she did not.

Today rayne is equally ridiculous. her feelings were hurt because
Master asked another girl to serve Him even though rayne was right
there. Upon noticing that there was something wrong, Master asked her
what it was. rayne said that nothing was wrong. Master warned her that
lying would not be tolerated and rayne still said, “Nothing’s wrong,
Master.” Master told His slave what He thought, and rayne responded
with, “Well, I just don’t see why You didn’t ask me. I’m there too.”

rayne started to cry and sat staring at her screen but not really seeing it.
she sees your confusion. “Over a stupid serve done by a barely real
girl on irc? ” your asking. This girl is perpetually plagued by the
idea that her Master doesn’t want her. That if He finds a “perfect
slave” He will toss her out like yesterday’s garbage. And her only
explanation is that she feels if that’s going to happen, this is the
place that it will. When her Master asked someone else to serve Him,
rayne felt slighted. she felt like He wasn’t interested in her or her
service. And she was heart broken.

rayne loves to serve. It makes her so happy to know that she’s brought pleasure to
someone just in serving them. Once, this slave’s only service was
hugging a Mistress who had a long day. rayne beamed for hours after.
But her quest in becoming a better slave started with wanting to be a
better slave for her Master. And even though rayne thrives in slavery,
her reason for wanting to perfect herself is still wanting to be a
better slave for Master Melen.

Master says that part of that is not being selfish. Learning that if something pleases Him it
should please rayne, too, regardless of her personal feelings. His
slave has had trouble overcoming that since day one. rayne knows that
it’s her insecurities that hinder this, but doesn’t know how to make
them go away. Trust is obviously an issue, but rayne trusts Master with
her life, so why not her heart? There’s nothing Master isn’t allowed to
do. So why does rayne still feel like she’s going to be betrayed every
time He speaks to another slave?

This girl should be happy that Master is pleased. But when she realizes that it’s not her that He
is pleased with, she falls apart. her resolve to become what she knows
she is, and to make her Master happy and proud goes out the window. And
rayne forgets that Master loves her. And that she pleases Him is an
idea of the past. And thoughts go through her mind that she shouldn’t
be having. Such as “rayne obviously doesn’t please Master since He
wants someone else to serve Him and not her.” and “she’ll never be good
enough.” and so on. rayne would like to say that she knows that these
things aren’t true… but she can’t decide if she knows or not.

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