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New Approach

August 1st, 2005

Ugh… I started this and then somehow managed to accidentally erase it. So this is my second attempt at “New Approach”.

I’ve decided (at Master’s suggestion) that it’s time for a new
approach to my blog. It has been brought to my attention that I haven”t
been using my blog for what it was given to me for. I should be using
it to discuss my growth as a slave and not a complaints forum. He’s
right, as He usually is.

And so, the primary focus is going to be put back on my training and growth as a slave. I will try to exclude any outside influences, though I’m sure I will still add my
opinions and thoughts on things I’ve read, experienced, etc. Since I’ve
been doing better at keeping up with my blog, I may include things I’ve
done wrong, as originally intended, and the punishments I receive to go
along with them.

In essence, this blog should always have been this. My intentions for this site since Master added the blog have always been to document my growth as a slave and to show new
slaves and dom/mes that it’s okay not to be perfect. It’s time that it
get there and stay there. This means there will be no more ranting
entries about my life outside my slavery aside from an occasional
comment on things in the news and such silliness as that. Those of you
that I’m close to, I’m sure I’ll still vent to you in the places we
haunt. Those that I’m not close to, I’m sorry. No more juicy tidbits
about rayne.

And since we’re speaking of new approaches, it seems that Master will be taking a new approach to my slavery. It’s very strange for me because throughout our relationship
He has always stated that He has no interest in Gor or the ideals
surrounding it even though we have always shared some ideals with the
Goreans. And now He thinks that I need more structure and ritual. That
perhaps if I have things to concentrate on doing everyday I will better
grow within this slave skin.

The thing is, the only experience I’ve ever had with Gor has been badly written and redundant
serves and arrogant and ignorant “Gorean Masters” on irc that I
wouldn’t normally consider associating with, much less showing respect
to or serving. I don’t deal well with bravado or machismo. I can’t get
down with slaves that believe they do no wrong. And I’m not very good
at holding my tongue.

I guess all these things and more I will have to learn to handle well so that I don’t embarrass Master anymore. I will have to at least learn to pretend I respect other
dom/mes even if I think they’re worms. I will have to learn to behave
in any setting, but especially a public one. And I will have to learn
to do as I’m told without hesitation. If my life is to become His, this
is the direction it must go. And I do so want it to be His.

This means speaking in third person. That’s gonna take a lifetime to
learn. No more excuses. It’s time to start living up to the promises
I’ve made. I hope I can do this. I hope I can make You proud, Master.

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