Archive for August, 2005

The Dance

August 31st, 2005 No comments

I performed my first Gorean dance yesterday. Twice! I performed it the first time on Master’s order, then the second time, a Mistress and Master’s brother requested that I perform it again for the new comers to see. Now I’m under orders to write a dance for the upcoming competition. I’m rather nervous and trying to decide what to register as. I *really* don’t want to do the theme for the beginner dancers. But it appears I will be.

That’s all I have for today. Short and sweet? I’ll post again soon.




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August 28th, 2005 No comments

…she thinks that some online slaves (especially those that have no real responsibility at home) think that real life 24/7 slavery is some sort of picnic. Trust me. It's not.

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Dreaming a Beautiful Dream.

August 26th, 2005 No comments

Last night I had a wonderful dream. You might remember me mentioning my trouble with Master’s interest in other women and/or slaves. This dream spoke specifically to that fear. Unfortunately, for reasons I won’t explain, part of it will be dropped. The parts I’m removing are consensual sexual acts that would never happen in real life anyway, so they don’t really matter. The dream went something like this:

I have made a friend online (for real) and in my dream, this friend came to visit. I won’t say who she is to protect her identity (and me from her boyfriend ::grin:: although to be fair, in the dream, the boyfriend knew she was coming and knew what might happen and was okay with it – convenient, huh?), though I will say I didn’t meet her on IRC. So we’ll call her “Sarah” for the purpose of this entry.

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More Punishment and Praise

August 23rd, 2005 Comments off

One day, I’ll learn. I know, I know. “Yeah right.”

I spent two days being bitchy. Why? Cause I was scared. I was
afraid that now that I’ve given everything up, I’m going to lose the
only thing I’ve got left. Master. So Master hung me up and gagged me
and beat my ass. I was left hanging with the gag to teach me that
my mouth is better suited full.

I was told to write a dance. It’s finished. I’ll post it here when it has been performed.

I forgot the praise part, so here’s the edit. One of the Master’s in
our new home told me that I was doing rather well for being so
new. I served Him and He said it was one of the best serves He’s ever
seen. All the Free tell Master how well I’m doing and how quickly
I’m learning. I have always been a fast learner. I’m so excited
and pressing on. I love the things that are required of me now. If
only I could get speaking third in real life down. Read more…

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Something interesting

August 17th, 2005 Comments off

I was going to dedicate today’s entry to some of my feelings relating to being in the Kaverns (all good, incidentally). However, I just finished the sixth Gor book, Raiders of Gor and towards the end were some damn good quotes and I wanted to share them here, because they apply to everyday life and human nature.

First, I think the story of Fish, once an Ubar of Port Kar, makes some very good points. I get more than annoyed at those that want their slaves to be weak, robots almost. Showing no emotion or initiative or strength. Fish goes from an Ubar to slave when his own men try to kill him by throwing him to the tharlarions. He’s rescued by Bosk (Tarl) and is collared and marked and made a slave. Eventually Fish is given the right to learn how to use weapons and such and is given a slave of his own. Fish eventually stands by Tarl in the battle for Port Kar, proving that tho he is a slave, he is also a man. The whole thing seems a paradox, but it’s really quite simple: being a slave does not mean that one has to be stupid and weak, rather intelligence and strength and passion are desirable.

Now, to the quotes I mentioned. For a book of fiction, I think this is dead on. I won’t bore you with my opinions, I’ll let the words speak for themselves and maybe, just maybe, they’ll help some of you out there: Read more…

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Conversation and another punishment

August 13th, 2005 Comments off

Master and I had a long conversation today about the tone of my journal (which is password protected) and my blog. Master says I doesn’t sound happy and that things I say jive with things I’m supposed to do and/or am supposed to believe. Such as my unwillingness to accept that I am a slave and Master has the right to speak to, sleep with, own, etc. anyone He wishes. Well, that’s not the right way to word it. I have accepted it. I’m just not altogether comfortable with it.

Master mentioned that I have the desire to be used by more than just Him and I agree that it isn’t entirely fair for me to have this desire, feel there’s nothing wrong with it, and then freak out when Master expresses the same desire. And when I shove aside all my selfish tendencies, I  see that the actual idea of Master using another slave doesn’t bother me. It’s the thought that another slave will become a part of His life and I will be pushed aside.

I’m in the process of making Master His dinner as I write this and I’m thinking about everything that has gone on in the past few days. I think back on my sudden revelation and try to piece it together with these conflicting feelings.

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