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Something Else…

July 1st, 2005 Comments off

…I need to accomplish is to learn to admit when I’m wrong. I don’t know how it came about, because I used to be really good about accepting when I screw up and admitting it to myself and to Master and to anyone else that needed to know. Now there’s just this terrible fear of being found wanting and being pushed aside. And so I try to make it not my fault. “Well if you hadn’t have done this, I wouldn’t have done that!” or “You just want to be mad at me.” or “You always make a big deal out of nothing.

my sarcasm and overall lack of respect when talking to Master isn’t
nothing and I seriously should stop viewing it that way (yet another
thing I need to accomplish). I’m not entirely sure why I do it. my only
“excuse” is I’ve always been a sarcastic bitch. I don’t even know when
I’m doing it most times because it has been my natural reaction to
everything since I was small. It’s not a viable excuse, this I know. I
should “fix” it. I’m just not sure I know how. maybe a few sound beatings and a constant gag would work *shrug*. Read more…

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