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A Comment on Accomplishments

February 21st, 2005

This is not a new observation I have made, just one that I happen to be thinking about at this moment. Mostly because I am working on the final lesson in my first degree of training to become ordained clergy in the Correllian Nativist Tradition of Wicca and I’m reflecting on all I’ve seen of their other clergy. Or any other “accomplished” organization for that matter.

As a general rule, people often tend to become arrogant in both
personality and self perception when they have proven to be
exceptionally good at something. Or when it has been noticed that they
are “accomplished”. They talk different, walk different, even treat
their friends and family different. They act as if they’re smarter or
wiser and better at what they’re doing than anyone else. And in some
cases, it may be true. But from what I’ve seen in life, there will
always be someone better. Let me say that again. There will always be
someone better.

That being said, I begin to wonder why I
always seem to go the opposite direction. Being told that I’m good at
something often makes me feel inferior. Being awarded for that
accomplishment or being certified in what I am good at makes me feel
like I didn’t do well enough. This is true for all areas of my life.

On
top of that, the end of things frighten me. I think that’s why I’ve put
off finishing my first degree training for so long. While I understand
that it is just the beginning and I have many more lessons to learn, I
don’t feel “good enough” to reach the end. “Wise enough” to be
ordained. I feel like I haven’t learned anything. I feel like nothing
I’ve read or done amounts to anything and I feel like I haven’t
retained any of it.

Simple solution? Go back and start
at the beginning. Review. Did that. Still feel stupid. Ah well. Enough
whining. I’ll get there some day. I hope

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