Untrusting
Suspicious
Apprehensive
Paranoia eating at my soul
Ridiculously making assumptions I could not possibly have reasons for.

A bazillion things to say and only one or two come out.
A thousand apologies
A million I love yous
And still no reprieve

Anger, hurt and sadness dance in your eyes
Leaves in a tornado on a hot summer day.

A piercing paroxysm stabbing into my heart.
A weight of a thousand worlds on my chest crushing my lungs
Leaving me gasping for breath
The crack of a whip as it executes any justification left lingering.
It begins

And now I have been justly, soundly whipped for my transgression
And still the self-flagellation continues
And still I tear myself to shreds
And still I beg for forgiveness
For some way to redeem myself
The worst torture
The most catastrophic punishment
I see it in your eyes
And my world collapses into a zillion minuscule pieces