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The Best Defense…

October 12th, 2003

Everything is foggy today. I’m really not feeling well. But one thing that keeps gnawing at the front of my mind is people’s seemingly undying “need” to defend me. It drives me absolutely insane. Ya know, I am completely tickled that I have so many friends that feel the need to “protect” me, but that’s what Master is for. And I definitely don’t need protecting from Master.

I think sometimes people take the things I say as whining or complaining when really I’m just talking. Believe me. I’m a very strong slave. Sometimes too strong. And I am completely one hundred percent capable of speaking up for myself when I think something is amiss. So much so that I often get in trouble for speaking up about things that I have no right speaking up about.

Master isn’t so cold and heartless that He doesn’t let me tell Him when something is bothering me. As a matter of fact, it is one of my rules that I have to tell Him. He knows that, especially with my disability, sometimes things get all screwed up inside my head and I worry about things that really are neither important nor logical. And I too realize that sometimes the things that upset me are silly.

What it comes down to is this. I have Master to protect me from the big bad world. That is why I begged for His collar. Because I trust Him to care for me enough to take care of me and protect me from things I need protecting from. And because I trust Him enough to believe that I don’t need protecting from Him. But I’m a big girl. I know enough to say “Master, I’d really like to talk about this.” if something is bothering me or if I think something is amiss. And I know enough to ask for help if I need it.

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