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Archive for October, 2003

Abuse vs. Sadomasochism

October 16th, 2003 Comments off

The ever popular debate, argument, paradox…whatever you’d like to call it. I have to admit, I’m slightly confused. I’m sure I’m not the only one. This probably isn’t going to make me very popular, but they say opinions are like ass holes. Take me with a grain of salt and move on.

Basically what it comes down to is where is the line drawn? Where do we say, “Wait a minute. This isn’t sadomasochism anymore. This is abuse.”? When do we (as submissives) say, “This isn’t what I signed up for.”?

Scenario 1: “My owner gave me a safe word and insisted that I use it when something happens that I can’t handle. He promised that he would stop if I used my safe word, but last week we were playing and I called out “red light” and he kept going. I called it out a few more times but he wouldn’t stop. When he finally stopped I was hysterical. He said he didn’t hear me and apologized about a hundred times and I believed him. But last night, it happened again.”

Okay, maybe this girl’s owner has a hearing problem. Doubtful. In this case, I would say abuse. The line is drawn. He said if she used her safe word, he would stop. Period. There’s no, “Well, I thought she might be able to take just a little more.” No, “I’m in charge here. I say what goes.” Yeah, you’re in charge. And you should be in charge of a jail cell. The two of you agreed on a safe word. In your relationship, calling out your safe word means STOP. Period.

Scenario 2: “My owner and I filled out a check list at the beginning of our relationship, and we discussed limits I absolutely will not cross. Things that I would be able to walk away upon him doing them. Things that I just can’t and won’t deal with. I don’t have a safe word but before I was collared we agreed that these limits wouldn’t be crossed or even pushed, and that if they were, I could give him back his collar and the contract was terminated. A few weeks ago, we were playing, and it got kind of out of hand, and he crossed some of my limits. I freaked and he tried to console me saying he got carried away in the moment and he was sorry. But the other day, he did it again.”

Once again, abuse. Limits were set. The submissive drew firm lines that she would not cross. Hell, she even gave him another chance when he crossed them. The second time tells me that he doesn’t particularly care where the lines are drawn. That he’s going to do what he wants, when he wants, whether she likes it or not. In my relationship with Master, that would fly. I gave up all rights. Dropped all limits. Told Him, “Do with me as you please.” In the relationship described here, that isn’t the case. She drew firm lines between what she would and wouldn’t do. Which brings me to:  Read more…

Collars/contracts players only?

October 13th, 2003 Comments off

We all know that I’m all for “to each their own” and I don’t judge anyone. Sure I bitch about people’s actions and I grumble when people do things I think are wrong. Doesn’t everyone? But I am in no position to judge anyone, so I don’t. Not only is this philosophy (that collars and contracts are for “players”) totally against everything I’ve read and been taught, but it’s insulting.

Not only do I wear a collar (two actually) but Master and I also have a contract. Which actually needs to be revised because it still says I have a safeword. And on top of that, we’re married. Now perhaps an actual collar isn’t necessary. And maybe, for you, a contract is needless gibberish. There are those that would argue that the strongest collar is around the heart (I agree) and that contracts are in the mindset of Dom/me and sub/slave. That’s fine. But to go so far as to say they’re for “players” only? I think that is way off base. Read more…

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The Best Defense…

October 12th, 2003 Comments off

Everything is foggy today. I’m really not feeling well. But one thing that keeps gnawing at the front of my mind is people’s seemingly undying “need” to defend me. It drives me absolutely insane. Ya know, I am completely tickled that I have so many friends that feel the need to “protect” me, but that’s what Master is for. And I definitely don’t need protecting from Master.

I think sometimes people take the things I say as whining or complaining when really I’m just talking. Believe me. I’m a very strong slave. Sometimes too strong. And I am completely one hundred percent capable of speaking up for myself when I think something is amiss. So much so that I often get in trouble for speaking up about things that I have no right speaking up about.

Master isn’t so cold and heartless that he doesn’t let me tell him when something is bothering me. As a matter of fact, it is one of my rules that I have to tell him. He knows that, especially with my mental health issues, sometimes things get all screwed up inside my head and I worry about things that really are neither important nor logical. And I, too, realize that sometimes the things that upset me are silly.

What it comes down to is this. I have Master to protect me from the big bad world. That is why I begged for his collar. Because I trust him to care for me enough to take care of me and protect me from things I need protecting from. And because I trust him enough to believe that I don’t need protecting from him. But I’m a big girl. I know enough to say “Master, I’d really like to talk about this,” if something is bothering me or if I think something is amiss. And I know enough to ask for help if I need it.

Consent to Nonconsent

October 10th, 2003 Comments off

So I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m absolutely petrified of the crop. Probably because Master mostly only uses it to punish me. And boy, does it have the desired affect. Last night we were playing around and he grabbed the crop and held it high and blew kisses at me trying to get me to kiss him. All I could do was cower and cry. But the crop and I have always had a love/hate relationship. And right now I love to hate it. Of course, the other night is still fresh in my mind.

All right. I think I’ll talk about my original idea for a minute and then let you be on your way.

There’s a lot of controversy on the issue of consent as far as a D/s relationship is concerned. As I have said before, I can’t speak accurately for online relationships because I have never been an online slave. But I can speak on what I see and what I feel is necessary.

Most of this is just common courtesy. Most of us wouldn’t just walk into a bar and get on our knees and start licking some stranger’s foot. If you would, well then to each their own, but you might want to get that checked.  🙂    Read more…

Wonderful Dreams

October 8th, 2003 Comments off

I had a specific rant planned for today and normally plan the outline for my rants while showering. But when I stepped in the shower and began to ponder what to write, I began to think about last night and the dreams I had and how completely wonderful and complacent I felt when I woke this morning. And I realized I have something much more important to talk about than people forgetting that consent is a big factor (at least in the beginning stages) of a BDSM relationship. I have feelings to brag about! ::smile::

Master allowed me to sleep on the bed last night with the statement “You had better be a good girl. And you better stay on your side of the bed, too.” I tend to sleep on him rather than next to him at times. So I do my usual thing. Lay on my stomach until that’s uncomfortable, turn on my side until that’s uncomfortable, lay on my back until that’s uncomfortable, and then drift off on my other side facing away from him with the hope that I will wake to him cuddling me at sometime in the night.

As I slowly begin to drift off I feel Master’s hand smoothing my hair away from my face and his arms wrap around me. He pulls me to him and then says softly in my ear “You belong to me. Do you understand me?” I say “Yes, Sir.” and he says it again. He tells me that he will do whatever he wants to me and then grabs my collar. As I lay there listening to him speak, not mistaking the menace in his voice, I relax completely and a smile crosses my lips. I am his. I belong to him.  Read more…

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Mrs. Perfect Falls

October 7th, 2003 Comments off

So all of those that are still convinced that I’m perfect (although I tell you time and time again I’m far from it) and still wish to keep this view of me read no further…cause I’m about to smash it. Maybe if I continue to post when I screw up people will realize that I am at fault and not Master.

I was punished last night. And my ass still hurts. But more than that, my heart hurts. And the pain in my heart out weighs the pain in my ass by a long shot. I’m not entirely sure how to describe what I did, as, so far, everyone that I’ve told has said “Oh that’s harmless.” Which brings me to two points that I will probably stress a bazillion times while I have this website (which I hope to have for a long time), 1) If Master says I’m wrong, then I’m wrong, and 2) What you think/feel about what I did doesn’t matter. I don’t specifically post for the reader’s benefit so much as my own.

So, without further ado, the events leading to my punishment and my punishment. A friend of mine is a switch and she was in domme mode last night (online). She paddled me and I asked for another and she paddled me again. Asking for another was the offense. I wasn’t thinking and I was only joking. But that is completely irrelevant. I am not permitted to ask for anything from anyone except Master.  Read more…

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